The Pegasus Awards

My Jalapeno Man

Debbie Ridpath Ohi

Pegasus Award

Award Year Category
2000 Best Food/Drink Song
Debbie Ridpath Ohi is a longtime filker with an obsession with food songs, particularly those having to do with chocolate. Just ask her music partners in Urban Tapestry, Allison and Jodi. Debbie is editor-in-chief of The Dandelion Report and is a fulltime freelance writer. For more info, please see her Web page at www.electricpenguin.com.

My Jalapeno Man

Copyright © Debbie Ridpath Ohi- All Rights Reserved
Lyrics posted with permission of the Author

My life used to be one of taste ennui
Each meal was an unbearable bore
The boil-everything game was always the same
Until a stranger moved in next door.

He invited me over for dinner
I brought wine: Chardonnay '91
I was amazed at the size of his...kitchen
But the evening had not yet begun.

I watched him juggle his spices
With a sure and expert ease
"You've done this before", I murmured -
Melting weak at the knees.

His gaze burned into mine, as he
chopped chilies into the pot
He said, "I'm going to cook you your food now
and I hope you like it...HOT."

CHORUS:
How he caressed, undressed, the onions,
The way he used, abused, kim chee.
His jalapeño peppers were the best I've ever seen
How he changed the world of dining, for me.

I was nervous when we sat down at the table
And I trembled as he put things on my plate
But he calmed me down as well as he was able
'Till I smelled the food and began to salivate.

The first mouthful seared the lining of my throat
And it felt as though a fork was in my lung.
"It always hurts a bit in the beginning,"
he said, "And I see, you have a virgin tongue."

REPEAT CHORUS:

By the second course my tongue had acclimated
I cried out for more and he happily complied
It was hours before the two of us were sated
I never felt so full, so satisfied!

It took me seven weeks to fully recover
And though he's gone, I still feel a desire
For my luscious jalapeño lover
For none can match his culinary fire.

CHORUS: (same as before)
How he caressed, undressed, the onions
The way he used, abused, kim chee.
His jalapeño peppers were the best I've ever seen,
How he changed the world of dining,
......For me!

 

 
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