Stray Dog Man
Words and music Copyright ©1985 by Bill Sutton
Lyrics posted with permission of the author
I'm always bringin' home the dogs that's found beside the road.
I feed 'em and I pet 'em and they keep me on my toes,
But now it's gone a bit too far, I don't see why it's me
That has to take the strays in from the whole damn galaxy!
I'm the stray dog man, and I do what I can
To give them pups some lovin' and a home.
But I wish the ones in space would go find another place
And leave me and my doggies here alone!
I was sittin' in the back yard in a tee-shirt and drinkin' a beer.
It was a hot and muggy evenin' but the sky was crystal clear
When I heard an engine poppin' but there was no one on the lane,
So I shrugged and looked to heaven, rubbed my eyes and looked again.
See, there was this kind of flyin' pickup with a glow across the back
And as I watched it hover there out flew this gunny sack.
Well, that pickup truck got fuzzy, then it flashed into the sky -
That gunny sack bounced off the roof and it landed with a cry.
Old Rover bounded over and he sniffed around the sack
Then he took off a-runnin' like he's never comin' back!
Poor Fido was the next to go, he bit down on that thing.
He died before he finished and he started turning green.
That gunny sack it rustled and it opened dark and wide
With the ugliest damn critter that I ever saw, inside.
It crawled out, stretched, and preened itself, then it ate poor Fido raw,
Picked up the tractor and gulped it down then sat back with a yawn.
I got a collar on it and I hauled it to the shed.
It tried to eat the padlock but I fed it nails instead.
It cried all night out there alone, but I knew what to do
I put a clock inside a mitten, but it ate that sucker, too!
Spoken: It was kind of cute when you got to know him, though.
I named him Ursa Major - that's because he
was a major pain in the urse.
I finally got him paper trained and I soon was glad to find
That everywhere that I would go, ol' Urse would tag behind.
The other dogs accept him now, 'cause he eats the ones that fight,
The twelve of them are nasty huntin' rabbits late at night.
I thought that was the end of it, but then a month went by
And another flying pickup tossed a sack out on the fly.
It rustled and it rumbled, then that gunny Baggie burst
And the thing that was inside it ate poor Ursa Major first!
It happens every month or so, and I'm getting rather vexed.
As soon as I get fond of one, it gets eaten by the next!
So I'm buildin' me a rocket, next time I get a sack
I'm gonna shove it in the nosecone and I'll throw that sucker back!