What if Your Girlfriend was Gone?

Carla Ulbrich

Fun Fact:

There are several filks of this song floating around out there, such as "What If Your Date was King Kong?" (Randy Hoffman) "What If Carla Ulbrich Were Gone?" (Adam Selzer) "What If Your beer was Gone" (Todd Chapelle) and of course, my own self-parody, "What If Your Butt was Gone." - Carla Ulbrich

What if Your Girlfriend was Gone?

Words and Music Copyright © by Carla Ulbrich- All Rights Reserved
Used by permission

I was just wondering -- hypothetically What would you do? -- theoretically
If something should happen accidentally or medically
What if your girlfriend was gone?

If she died in a fire from a broken light fixture
Or happened to swallow a poisonous mixture
Would I find my way back into the picture
If you were suddenly alone?

Would ya call me up would ya write me a letter
Would ya tie a message to your Irish Setter
Would ya try to get through so we could be together
What if your girlfriend was gone?

If she disappeared without a trace
And everyone looked all over the place
Why do you have that look on your face?
It's not like I have any plans!

But if I were around and I could appease ya
And she was suddenly struck with amnesia
And never again would be able to please ya
Would you still wanna be her man?

Would ya call me up would ya write me a letter
Would ya tie a message to your Irish Setter
Would ya try to get through so we could be together
What if your girlfriend was gone?

Of course, as you know, I'm a very nice girl
A beacon of light in a cold, cruel world
Evil plans I could never carry out
But who could blame me for wonderin' about

If something should happen hypothetically
What would you do? theoretically
If something should happen accidentally or medically
What if your girlfriend was gone?

Would ya call me up would ya write me a letter
Would ya tie a message to your Irish Setter
Would ya try to get through so we could be together
What if your girlfriend was gone?

Would ya walk away from your deep devotion
Put a letter in a bottle and throw it in the ocean
Realize that you've got a notion
To give me my long overdue promotion

Would ya call me up would ya write me a letter
Would ya tie a message to your Irish Setter
Would ya try to get through so we could be together
What if your girlfriend was gone?

Alternate ending (not included in recording, as it hadn't yet been accidentally written):

Would ya tie me up in a chain and fetter
Would you photograph me with your Irish Setter
Do all those things that used to upset her
What if your girlfriend was gone