Dear Seanan

Erin Bellavia, Merav Hoffman, and Seanan McGuire

This is a parody of Dear Gina by Seanan McGuire

Dear Seanan

Lyrics Copyright © by Erin Bellavia & Merav Hoffman
Music Copyright © by Seanan McGuire
All Rights Reserved - Lyrics posted by permission of the author

It's been a long time, Seanan, since you wrote me
So maybe you forgot how bad I'm screwed
For fourteen years, I swam around that koi pond,
and when I woke, I woke completely nude.

I was trying to support myself,
Clerking, selling humans food,
Then I was cursed by telephone,
Now don't you think that that was rude?

Now I'm trapped within a series of bad bargains
I owe more favors than I can repay
The King of Cats is laughing, and I'm drowning
Chase scenes are the best part of my day

Did I mention I'm not having fun?
I'm drowning in an undine's tea
The Queen has transformed all my jeans,
Oh, lucky, lucky, lucky me.

Seanan, I don't think that you should write me anymore
And Seanan, you should know that I'll find ways to settle scores
Your old and crumbling farmhouse only has so many doors,
The Luidaeg tells me I'll be fine without you

I've killed four cars, I'm working on a fifth one
My house is full of omens and their friends,
I've been elf-shot, turned to wood, and iron poisoned,
And don't know how this crazy series ends.
You say that I'm a hero now,
And I say "What the hell? No way!"
If ever I escape this book,
I'll find a way to make you pay.

Seanan, I don't think that you should write me anymore
And Seanan, you should know that I'll find ways to settle scores
Your old and crumbling farmhouse only has so many doors,
The Luidaeg tells me I'll be fine without you

Seanan, do you think that you can win here?
After all, you're messing with the fae
Seanan, are you sure that you are in the right career?
I think we'd all be better off if you would kindly go away
And before this song is up, I think I just might get my way.
Seanan, darling Seanan, there's not too much left to say...

It's been long time, Seanan, since that fish pond.
Who knew that just six books could be this long?
I really hope this finds a way to reach you,
I hope you understand that you were wrong.

I've sacrificed, I've buried friends
I've even had to watch them die.
You little bitch, it's time this ends
If you play God, I'll make you cry...

Seanan, I don't think that you should write me anymore,
And Seanan, you must know I'll find a way to settle scores
Seanan, I would say you've got a lot to answer for
But Seanan, if you quit, I might forgive you

P.S. The night haunts say hello.
Love, Toby